Talking to Kids About Cancer

By Alexandria Friesen, Child Life Specialist

Cancer diagnoses can be a scary time for families, especially when children are involved. But open communication and support can make a world of difference. This post explores the importance of discussing parental diagnoses with children and offers tips for navigating these conversations at different ages.

Why Talk to Your Kids?

There are many benefits to having open conversations with your children about a parental cancer diagnosis. Here are a few:

Promotes honesty and trust: Discussing a diagnosis openly with children builds trust and sets the stage for future conversations on difficult topics.

Reduces confusion and anxiety: Children are perceptive and can sense when something is wrong. Openly talking about the illness can ease confusion and worry, helping them understand the situation and how it might affect them.

Empowers Children: Talking to children about illness empowers them with information and lets them ask questions, helping them feel more in control and prepared for any changes.

Promotes Health Literacy: Initiating conversations with children about diagnoses at a young age helps them understand illness and treatment, and develop coping mechanisms for the future.

Starting the Conversation: The 6 C’s

Here’s a simple framework using the 6 C’s to get the conversation started:

What is it called? Cancer is a “big sickness” that people can get in their bodies that requires special medicine or other treatments to make better.

Can I catch it? Assure them cancer isn’t contagious like a cold, flu or COVID.

Can it be cured? Sometimes. While no one medicine or treatment will make all cancers go away, most cancers can be cured eventually with certain treatments, while others may last a long time in a person’s body. Sometimes cancer can cause a person’s body to die.

Did I/Can I cause it? No.  You cannot cause cancer in yourself or someone else because of something you did or didn’t do, say, or think

Who will take care of me? An important question to address with kids who have someone significant in their life who has cancer. This reassures children that no matter what happens, there will always be people who love them and will take care of them.

How do I stay connected? If someone important in a child’s life has cancer, they might worry about staying close during treatment and how their relationship could change. It’s important to talk about possible changes and how they’ll stay connected

Tips by Age Group:

• 
  Toddlers & Preschoolers (Age 2-5):
  • -Keep it simple: Use clear language. 
  • – Avoid using just the word “sick” rather than “cancer” to prevent generalized fears about illness from developing.
  • – Cancer is a big sickness, like a giant compared to tiny colds or tummy aches. 
• 
  School-Aged Children (Ages 6-12):
• – Keep it simple: Use clear language. 
• – Most kids’ first cancer education comes from school (Terry Fox). 
  • – Explaining that cancer is an illness that happens in a person’s body and that they will have treatment to try to make it go away.
• 
  Adolescents (Ages 13-18):
  • – Offer explanations for what cancer is. Don’t assume they know based on their age. 
  • – Remain open to questions. 
  • – Ask how much information they would like to know about the person’s cancer and their treatments.

Common Myths Debunked:

• – Avoid using the word “sick” or naming it something it isn’t (e.g., backache, headache). Call it cancer and provide a definition.
• – Kids do not constantly think about or worry more about their parent’s cancer if they know about it. Studies and numerous anecdotes indicate that children worry less when they receive age-appropriate information about their parent’s cancer.
• – Avoid assuming that children won’t understand cancer because it’s complex; instead, offer simple definitions as stepping stones for understanding, even for very young kids.

Remember, open communication is key. By talking to your children about cancer, you can empower them, reduce anxiety, and build a foundation of trust during this challenging time.