Understanding Children’s Dreams After a Loss

By Dr. Joshua Black

The death of someone significant (person or animal) is a deeply emotional experience for everyone, especially children. They may struggle to grasp the concept of death, leading to a whirlwind of confusing emotions. Often, these emotions manifest in dreams, creating a unique pathway for children to process their grief.

This blog post explores the importance of talking to children about their dreams after a loss and offers tips on supporting them through this challenging time.

Why Talk About Dreams?

Dr. Joshua Black, a grief dream researcher, emphasizes the importance of discussing dreams with children who have experienced a loss. Here are three key reasons:

Nightmares and Emotional Impact: Nightmares may occur after a death. Talking about these dreams can help identify negative experiences that may be impacting a child’s emotional well-being.

Dreams of the Deceased: Dreaming of the deceased is a normal occurrence after a loss. These dreams can have positive or negative content, which can help or hinder a child’s grieving process. Discussing these dreams allows parents or caregivers to understand how the child is processing their loss.

Confusion Around Death: Children may view dreams of the deceased differently than other dreams. This can lead to confusion about death itself or validate stories they are telling themselves about the death (e.g., thinking they caused the death). Talking through these dreams can help clarify their understanding and reduce any negative feelings.

Helping Children Cope with Nightmares

Nightmares can be particularly disturbing for a grieving child. One technique Dr. Black suggests is called “dream re-scripting.” This involves working with your child to rewrite the narrative of the nightmare. You can:

Change the Ending: Help them create a more positive outcome for the dream.

Alter the Course: Modify events within the dream to make it a more positive experience.

The goal is to create a more comforting dream scenario that the child can focus on as they think about the dream in waking life. This can reduce the distress of the dream in waking life and prevent the dream from occurring again.

Common Sleep Changes After a Loss

It’s important to understand that sleep patterns often change after someone significant dies. Some common changes include:

• 
  – Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
• – Anxiety about sleeping alone
• – Increased nightmares
• – Dreams of the deceased
• – Fear of bedtime
• – Excessive sleeping
• – Waking up tired despite adequate sleep
• – Bedwetting
• – Triggering of sleep disorders like night terrors

Additional Resources

Dr. Black’s website, GriefDreams.ca, also offers valuable information about grief dreams and how to help children navigate them.